Something occurred to me today. I realized that somewhere in the back of my mind, I've been subconsciously waiting for things to settle down and get back to normal. This is not a logical thought process I've reasoned through, but something I've been feeling deep down that I just haven't identified until now. I keep thinking that my old comfort level is just around the corner, over the horizon, if I can only make it there. At first I thought I'd feel "right" again after we brought the baby home, or maybe once she's nursing perfectly, or when she can sleep through the night. Maybe I'll feel like myself when I go back to work, and Jules and I get into a routine. Maybe it won't be so hard if she'll take a bottle without throwing a fit. Perhaps it'll be easier when she only has to have her medicine twice a day instead of four times. And the list goes on... I just caught myself doing this today. Once again I was (sadly) wishing Christmas would come faster so I can get back to "normal". That's when it hit me. Normal is not coming back. Life is not going to settle down after Christmas, or after any of Julia's milestones, or... EVER. The changes are going to keep coming at warp speed until I die, of this I'm certain. My old comfort zone is forever gone because I am forever changed. I'm a mother now, and every day I learn in a new way what a monumental thing that is. I guess it's time to redefine normal.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Random Thought
Something occurred to me today. I realized that somewhere in the back of my mind, I've been subconsciously waiting for things to settle down and get back to normal. This is not a logical thought process I've reasoned through, but something I've been feeling deep down that I just haven't identified until now. I keep thinking that my old comfort level is just around the corner, over the horizon, if I can only make it there. At first I thought I'd feel "right" again after we brought the baby home, or maybe once she's nursing perfectly, or when she can sleep through the night. Maybe I'll feel like myself when I go back to work, and Jules and I get into a routine. Maybe it won't be so hard if she'll take a bottle without throwing a fit. Perhaps it'll be easier when she only has to have her medicine twice a day instead of four times. And the list goes on... I just caught myself doing this today. Once again I was (sadly) wishing Christmas would come faster so I can get back to "normal". That's when it hit me. Normal is not coming back. Life is not going to settle down after Christmas, or after any of Julia's milestones, or... EVER. The changes are going to keep coming at warp speed until I die, of this I'm certain. My old comfort zone is forever gone because I am forever changed. I'm a mother now, and every day I learn in a new way what a monumental thing that is. I guess it's time to redefine normal.
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4 comments:
Things will get to a more normal state when she isn't changing so much. Maybe it will be after she is crawling or walking but when she slows down growing, you will have a chance to catch your breath and relax. I thought that way when the twins were going through this and that. now even though they are still growing the time in between the new is longer. The next new thing for us will be the next school year. And then we all will be ready for new friends, classes and a change. There are everyday new and different things but they seem smaller as the kids get older. Like Ashley being able to write real words now everywhere and on everything. Once the shock of the things she writes wears off I think "yeah you can write your name". I believe that things are just spinning out of control right now, but life will even out. Trust me. It will. Plus your faith and family can help when things go totally nuts!
Well you said a mouthful, and Amen to that.
But in all honesty, in time there will be other "normals." Being a wife and mother will become the norm! And later on when someone brags on your kid, you will beam and puff up with pride, and know that this is what you are aiming at. Raising this child to love the Lord, be kind, and useful in society, And this Life is now Normal! (Whatever Normal is.) haha
Life is a series of changes and we reflect on what has gone before, and appreciate the "new" and different life ahead.
YOU will be good at it, you had a wonderful mom showing you the way, And the Lord to lean on.
Love Ya Gramma G
That's so insightful,Jess. That's really amazing how much your life changes so quickly. Merry Christmas to your family!
Jess, I really enjoyed your web page. You're one lucky mama to even have the time to make one! You do have a very sweet baby. Of coarse I can't say she's the sweetest! Life will stay busy, but it will get easier as she gets older. Then you'll have another one and it will get even crazier! Hang in there. If you need a baby free evening and a great couple to hang out with Blaine and I are always available. I know you have lots of babysitters.
Love Ya, Amber
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