Four Months Old! (A Novel, inadvertantly)

But who's counting? I can not believe how this baby girl has changed. And so many changes have been within this last month. Julia smiles all the time now, you don't have to be lucky to catch it. Usually she just has to see me and a big smile spreads across her face, I don't even have to say anything. It's enough to bring tears to my eyes. Especially first thing in the morning, when I peek over the side of her bed. I thank God everyday, without fail.

She's also laughing now, so the name of the game is... what random thing can I do to make her laugh this time? Because it's very random! Some things make sense, like tickling. But sometimes I can make her laugh with a certain silly sound one time, and then it does nothing the next time. Random. It's fun to try, though. I'm sure I look ridiculous to mature adults, but Julia's opinion is all that matters to me. We had friends over the other day and they were making fun of the made up song I was half singing, half talking in singsong voice to try to get Julia to go to sleep. (She fights sleep HORRIBLY!) I'm sure it did sound hilarious to anyone else, but Julia & I get in our own zone and I don't really even know what exactly I'm saying, or who is listening, because all that matters is the effect it's having on Jules and whether I'm getting anywhere with her. It's a baby language all it's own. In addition to all her cooing, she also sticks her tongue out a little and blows tiny spit bubbles. I think she likes the sound it makes and the vibration on her lips.

She is still a great sleeper, except, like I said, she fights sleep. She will scream as though she is absolutely dying, sometimes for quite a while, and then in the next breath, she's out like a light. She usually sleeps at least 12 hours at night, with a feeding in there somewhere. Her days are funny, she has no routine really. Just when I think I've got it figured out, she does it differently. Sometimes she sleeps almost all day, sometimes she's awake almost all day. I guess it probably just depends how she's feeling. It doesn't bother me, I can go with the flow, as long as I get sleep at night, and most of the time I get more than enough.

We can PLAY now! She will grab onto anything you put in front of her! She can hold onto toys for a while before she loses them, and she puts them in her mouth and licks and sucks and chews like crazy. She does best with toys hanging in front of her so she can't drop them. She will play on her mat for a long time. Her head/upper body still aren't quite strong enough to sit up in an exersaucer, but soon enough. And she has finally found her toes. She pulls on the feet of her jammies, too. She hasn't quite gotten them all the way to her mouth yet, though. She rolls from her back onto her side, but can't make it over without help. I do help sometimes, to try to show her it's possible.

My most relieved moment had to be when I saw her take a bottle for the first time. You have no idea how that made my day. I stressed over this issue like you wouldn't believe. But God took care of it. He sent a messenger down to whisper in her ear, "It's okay, just try it." And by golly, she did, and hasn't looked back since. She takes that bottle like you would think she has been doing it all along. All that time, and all it took was a latex nipple. Latex. Why didn't I think of that?

Her growth is amazing. She had her 4 month check-up on Tuesday. She weighs 13 pounds, 7 ounces, and that puts her in the 50th percentile for weight again, exactly average. She is 25 1/2 inches long, and that puts her in the 75th percentile for length again. She's tall! She's wearing 3-6 month size clothes and some of those she stretches to the limit, she's so long. She does seem a bit chubbier to me though. She's filling out and getting a few rolls. I love it. Strong and healthy. Everything checked out great at the doctor and we're weaning her off one of her medicines for reflux. Once she comes off that one okay, we can take her off the second one, too! The one we're starting with is the one she gets 4 times a day, so it will be wonderful not to have to give it to her every time I turn around! After 3 days she hasn't spit up yet, so that's a good sign! Praise God!

Every day is new and exciting, and I never know what she's going to do next. What did I ever do before she came into my life? That reminds me. The other day I had taken Julia to my Mom's while I went to work. I called after I got off and she said she had taken the whole bottle like a champ. I wanted to stick around at my Mom's house a while to see Kristen in her dress before she left for turnabout, so I went home first to pump. (So I wouldn't explode, ouchie!) As I was sitting there in the quiet, I realized that that was the first time I had been at home without the baby ever. Whenever I leave her with someone else, it's so that I can go somewhere. It was so weird to be home alone. I didn't hardly know what to do with myself, so it's a good thing I was only stopping in for a minute! It just goes to show how crazy it is that in an instant, at birth, you're suddenly responsible for this person that needs you 24/7. I remember how much that thought scared me when I was pregnant, how afraid I was that I would get burned out & wouldn't want to do it anymore, or would regret the decision to have a baby at all. But amazingly, it's totally the opposite. I don't usually want to leave her, but I do it because I know it's good for both of us. It's empowering to see how much she has grown and developed as a result of me feeding her and caring for her. Even the mundane things like laundry sometimes make me smile because it's a labor of love, and I'm so thankful just to have a beautiful baby that needs me to wash her clothes for her. I think that's why nursing is so wonderful. We get an incredible bonding time where I'm forced to sit down with her close to me, even when I'm busy. With bottles, you can feed them in a car seat or wherever, and then it's not personal anymore. It's so sweet when she holds onto my hand or strokes my arm while she eats. She is not a baby that likes to be cuddled, so I cherish those times with her everyday, they're sacred. I get to stop whatever I'm doing and just love her. And then when I see how she's grown, it makes me feel so proud to know that it's because of what I've given her that she is nourished and has come so far. Like I said, motherhood is empowering. It has built confidence in me, too. Now that I've carried a baby, birthed a baby, and begun raising a baby, it's easy not to sweat the small stuff. Things that were important before have lost all significance. It gives a totally new perspective on life and priorities. I will never be the same, and I'm glad. I love what God is doing in me, changing me like I have been praying to be changed since I first learned there was a new life inside me. I enjoyed my time without kids, but I don't ever want to go back. I can't imagine not having Julia in my life. Even our marriage has an added dimension. If you would have asked me when I got married if I loved John with all my heart, I would have said yes, and that's the truth. But somehow, when I see him holding the baby that is part of both of us, a direct result of our love for each other, I can't help but feel like I love him even more. Maybe it's just that love changes as you pass milestones in your life. It's not that I loved him any less in the beginning, or that that love was any less authentic, it's just that it's changed now. Our love for each other had to change because we've both changed. And because I've bathed all this in prayer since the beginning, all these changes in dynamics have been for the better. God is making a family out of us, and I love it! That's not to say it's always easy, but it's always a blessing, that's for sure! I am humble because I know I've done nothing so incredible to deserve any of this, it's all by grace, a gift. A gift beyond anything I could have come up with myself.

How did my 4 month update turn into a novel? I guess I had a few thoughts floating around in my head that decided they wanted to be put to words, huh? Sometimes I just have to write to make sense of myself. So you all get to read my musings this time, aren't you glad?! LOL You should be so lucky! :)

Oh, look... I have TOES!

I was putting Julia's jammies on her tonight and she finally got a hold of her toes! She's been grabbing onto whatever she can lately, and her grip is a lot stronger. She can hold a small toy for a while and even bring it up to her mouth. It's so fun to play! I guess she just got strong enough to reach down and pull her her feet toward her a little. Good job baby girl!

Pretty Auntie Kristen

Kristen had Turnabout on Friday so we visited to see her before she was off. Isn't she beautiful?!

Julia was so funny. No matter how much I talked to her she wouldn't take her eyes off Kristen to look at the camera. I know baby, she's gorgeous.

Finally Kristen turned her head, but she still wouldn't smile. Oh, well. Still a great photo.

It's a Miracle! (And that's no exaggeration!)

Hallelujah! After a serious amount of prayer and two wonderful grandmas that wouldn't give up, my baby girl is taking a bottle! If you haven't been aware of this drama, Julia decided when she was about a month and a half old that she didn't like bottles and was not going to be peaceably fed from one. As a newborn, she had no problem, but I guess I didn't make her take one enough because she hit a point where she said, "No more!" I've really been stressing over this because I go to work three days a week for four hours, and she was being a monster for the babysitter. They would struggle for an hour just to get a couple ounces in her. I bought bottles, my Mom bought bottles, Marlene bought bottles, and none of them worked. Then, last week, Marlene showed up to babysit with yet another new bottle. It is a Playtex, which we've had before, but this one came with a latex nipple. LATEX. I should have thought of this. It is so much softer than those icky silicone ones. Sure, they have to be replaced often, but whatever! If the milk is warm enough, she sucks it down just like her yummy Mommy! It's an absolute miracle. I had honestly given up and resigned myself to the fact that I just was not going to be able to leave her for longer than four hours until she was weaned! Seriously! This is such a relief. Not only for me, but for the poor babysitters that were subjected to the bottle torture. Praise God!

Gerber, Evenflow, Nuk, Playtex - We tried them all!

Made You Smile

Admit it, she did make you smile, didn't she?

She's teary eyed because she's sleepy and I set her up to try to get a picture of her rubbing her eyes with her fist. (It's sooo cute!) Of course she wouldn't do it with the camera there. But sometimes, to get her to look at the camera, I push the button halfway down so the red-eye light comes on and she looks up at it. Well, it must have been bright in the dim room because she made this goofy wide-eyed face. Daddy says I'm mean, but I think it's adorable and I'm the Mommy!

Full Circle: A New Trick

About two weeks ago, I discovered Julia on her mat with her legs straddling one of the sides of the arch. I laughed out loud, it was so funny to see her get herself stuck there and then need rescuing. Since then, she has gotten it down to an art. I start her out the right way, with her feet where she can kick the end and her arms where she can reach the toys. She pulls her legs all the way up to her chest, rolls onto her side, and then when she straightens out again her body turns slightly. She does this over and over, and when she comes to a bar she just pulls her legs in extra tight to her body, rolls onto her side so they swing around it, and then when she straightens out she's on the other side of it. Sometimes she gets caught straddling it, but sometimes she makes it around it all in one move. This particular time, the whole process took about 40 minutes. She's playing with her toys and eating her hands all along the way. I just kept checking on her to take pictures. What cracks me up is that she stays on the mat the whole time. You'd think she would eventually squirm all the way off, but she never does. Too funny. She seems so ready to roll over. They say babies usually roll from tummy to back first because it's easier, but she hates being on her tummy, so she usually just arches her back, pops up on her stomach and throws a fit. She can push up on her arms, but you can't make her like it! So I think she'll go from her back to her tummy first. Maybe if she can get herself from back to tummy and vice versa, it won't make her so mad to be on her tummy. I hope so anyway. We'll see. When it happens, you'll be the first to know!

In My Daughter's Eyes

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

Martina McBride

This song has been out for a while, and I've heard it many times before, but not recently. For obvious reasons, it struck a different chord with me this time. Luckily, John was in the car with me because if he wouldn't have been there, I would have had a breakdown. It's such a beautiful way to put to words some of the tangled mess of feelings inside me. Every time I look into her eyes, or even her sweet, sleeping face, I can't tell you how overwhelmed I get with joy, fear, gratitude, love, sadness, excitement, hope. It's all there. In my daughter's eyes.

Picture Requests

Any family or friend out there that wants one of Julia's 3 month pictures, let me know which one and what size. I'll be getting more pretty soon. If I don't hear from you then I'll just send whatever, but I wanted to give you the option of choosing. Aren't I nice? Just kidding. Actually, it makes my life easier to know what you want. Everyone has a different favorite. Speak now or forever hold your peace...

Mmmm...

King crab legs and lobster tail, what could be better? Tony and Marlene had us over on New Year's Day for a yummy, yummy dinner in honor of Julia. Tony promised us a celebration after she was born and boy, did he deliver! I've never seen so much gigantic seafood in my life. John even (eventually) cracked mine for me, with bits of shell flying everywhere. Tony and I got a shower! Great job, chef Marlene, we certainly enjoyed it! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Yes, they really were that big!

Jules slept the whole time, but that's okay. We all got to enjoy dinner together uninterrupted! She'll have pictures to remember it by. As usual, lots and lots of pictures. :)

Three Month Portraits

Well, I finally got around to having Julia's three month pictures taken today. With her birthday being on the 30th, I knew I didn't even want to attempt it until after the Christmas rush. Plus, if you know me, you know I have a serious problem making decisions. I had to decide what she would wear, where we would take her, what backgrounds or props to use, how many prints, and which poses & sizes to get. As you can tell, I never did find anything I liked enough for her to wear, so she wore her birthday suit with a couple accessories. I love it that way! And being that her mood at the time was only so-so, these turned out great! I'm very happy. And the hard part's over now. We'll go back to the same place next time, and I'll know what I'm up against. Daddy was an excellent helper. We're all glad they're done and looking beautiful! Even now I have to shake my head at how big she looks, all propped up like that. Bittersweet...
These are the uncut versions, before cropping. The first three are my favorites.

Slobbery Milestone

Last night Julia was in her swing, sucking on her hands like usual. Daddy gave her a toy to try to get her to eat it instead so her hands wouldn't get wet and cold and all irritated like they have been. He set it in front of her and she not only picked it up all by herself, but she got it into her mouth, too! Way to go baby girl! Look at that concentration. Daddy jumped up so fast to get the camera, I was impressed. You know how it is. Mommies love the tiny, cuddly, helpless newborn stage, but Daddies can't wait to PLAY! He was so excited. I don't even know which one of them was cuter. :)

Hooray for Kristen!

Kristen was baptized last Sunday. She made a committment when she was younger, but as it happens often, when she reached an older age she questioned whether that initial committment was sincere. I did the same thing. So, she recommitted herself and was baptized on Sunday night. We really have seen a change in her since she made that important decision. We're proud of you Kristen! Keep living for God!

Sorry this picture is blurry. All mine turned out that way and I haven't checked out the ones my Dad took yet. I believe my mom even took some from off to the side where she was waiting with a towel for her to come out. Maybe I'll post more later.

Here's Julia's Sunday dress. I wanted to show how cute she looks in her booties crocheted by Marlene. She has a rainbow assortment and they're fitting her perfectly now. They're super nice because they tie so they stay on, and they're warm but more flexible than shoes so she can wiggle her toes. Have you ever tried to put shoes on a baby? She curls her toes the instant you grab her foot so it's like trying to shove a ball of a foot into a flat shoe. Not fun for either of us! Anywho... the booties are perfect. Whenever I put a crocheted bonnet and sweater on her, too, she looks like a little Amish baby. :) I also love how her eyes glow when she wears blue. Why couldn't that be the girls' color? I think I read somewhere that it used to be until about 100 years ago. Can't remember why it changed. Anyone else good with useless facts?