Alone

I'm alone.
And I don't like it one bit.
Tonight, I am so grateful that I belong to a God that promises to never leave me alone, because I'm feelin' it right now. For only the second time since Julia's birth, I am spending the night alone in my house. And after the first time it happened, (when I let Julia spend the night at Marlene's, not thinking that John would be gone working midnights) I swore I would never let it happen again. But, Kristen really wanted Julia to spend the night tonight and since she and my mom will be watching her when I work in the morning anyhow, it just made sense. Plus, I know Kristen will be gone to various places so much this summer, that I wanted to let her have fun with my child while she can. I made the sacrifice. It's just so hard for me not to be greedy, though. I can't even explain it. You wouldn't think it would make that much of a difference. If she were here, she'd just be sleeping quietly in her bed, anyway. But there's just something about knowing that she's not. And usually when someone else keeps her, it's so that John and I can spend some quality time together, in which case I am distracted from missing her. But now, I suddenly remember how much I disliked being alone in the house when John worked midnights when we were first married. And it's completely illogical to feel this way. It's not like my toddler, sleeping in her crib, is going to protect me if someone breaks in or if the house catches fire. I should be more afraid to be here with her when John is gone than to be here without her when John is gone. But...whoever said feelings were logical? I just wanted to share. It helps to share, somehow. Isn't that what blogs are for?