Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
All Decked Out
John has been working on our deck, getting it ready for the big birthday bash. (He's had help from the Powells and Brandon, so thanks guys!) I came home from work one day to find him out working with Julia. He had dressed her (nice, huh?) and she was in a great mood. I can't believe what awesome pictures I got. This baby is so beautiful, honestly. You'd think I would be used to it by now. I live with her, I see her every day, we've never been apart for more than a few hours, but she never ceases to amaze me. She changes so fast, it's like I'm meeting someone new all the time. And the baby I met on the deck that day was something else!
Only those that know John's expressions well enough can appreciate this face.Seriously, did I have any part in this child?
Sometimes I think she's not looking as much like him now as she used to.
And then... she goes and proves me wrong!
Mola Wedding: Just Julia
With my daughter, we never lack drama, that's for sure!
She loves shoes and toes! I must mention that when I came home after getting the pedicure, she crawled to me and immediately noticed!
"Hey! Where's my pork chop?!"
Friday, September 26, 2008
Mola Wedding: Bride & Groom
Again I say, Julia was not being very cooperative, but we tried. Aren't Brian & Christie adorable, though? You look good with a baby on your hip, Mola!
Mola Wedding: Auntie K
As usual, my sister (and my Mom) were a big help. Julia loves her Auntie K!
Kristen shared her beads. And yes, they are Premier! (But retired, sorry!)
Julia loves to dance!
I love this one of Kristen and Bride Christie. So pretty!
Mola Wedding: John & Julia
I didn't take a ton of pictures because we both stood up in the wedding, so I'm planning on getting some good ones from the photographer. Here are a few of Mr.Mehok and Mini Mehok.
John took a week of vacation so he had a chance to grow his goatee for a few days. I miss it so!
This is the only one I got of the three of us together.Mola Wedding: Jessica & Julia
It's been nearly two weeks, but hey, we're a busy family! The next few posts are from Brian & Christie's wedding on the 13th. The plan was to have an outdoor wedding at the Deep River gazebo and then an informal, fun, picnic-style party under a gigantic tent in Christie's parents' backyard. Yeah... not so much. While the rain slowed up a bit early Saturday, the damage was already done. Standing in the backyard you would find yourself ankle deep in the wetness. Everything was moved to our church. I told Christie that God must have really wanted her to be married in the church - In fact, He insisted! It was beautiful, though. We all had a great time at their party, playing some of our favorite board games, taking pictures in front of the Colts banner, and eating the biggest pork chops I have ever seen. Thanks for a great time guys!
Sadly, Julia was not very smiley when show time rolled around. We tried, though!
She kept making the pouty face that she uses when she's annoyed. I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and make it look like a kissy face. Are you fooled?
Oh, look! Half a smile! She looks so big standing tall.
Three generations.
How pathetic is that? I believe I took the tube of lip gloss away from her at that moment.Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Goodbye
I can feel it now. The walls are closing in on me. It's getting hard to breathe. I can't think straight. I tried denial, but it's time to face the truth. My BABY will be one year old in two weeks. I am beside myself. I have had so much going on lately that it's been easy to pretend it isn't happening. But the time has come. The party must be planned. I must pull myself together and get ready to celebrate this milestone that I so dread. I'm warning you... my happy face will be painted on.
If you think I'm exaggerating, picture this: The other day I had to run into the Hallmark store to get a few cards. I thought I would check out the first birthday cards while I was there. Cried. Right there in the aisle, looking at silly, sweet, kiddie birthday cards all about how far she has come and all she can do and how much she is loved, I cried. I bought one. While it will mean nothing to her now, this is what it says. A Letter For My Daughter On Her Birthday... Think of a mitten and a hand or the way tea fills the curve of a teacup. In the same way, there is a place in my life shaped like you. Before you came, I did not even know it was there. But afterward, I knew I had always had it, this quiet and waiting space in the middle of my heart that you, and only you, could fill. And even more than the day you came into my world... I love you.
I am desperate to make this child understand how much she is loved. What makes me so sad is that I don't think she ever will, or even can for that matter. As a mother now, I find myself thinking a lot more about how God relates to us. He is our Father, after all, and there are so many parallels. My current dilemma is the perfect example. In my head I know God loves me unconditionally, but I don't think I even know the half of it. I think it is beyond my comprehension exactly how He feels about me. And I know the same is true for my daughter. She has no idea how I feel about her, or what I would do for her. She has no idea how much she has changed my life and how much joy she brings me. If only I could make her understand. I wonder if God has the same frustration. Though he would have the power to, He will not force us to accept His love and love Him in return, even though He deserves it. It's frustrating. I pray that I will remember this feeling and give God His due, just as I pray my daughter will one day come to know how much I love her, how much I have done for her, and how much I would be willing to do for her, no matter the cost.
It's heavy and deep, this parenting business. While life was certainly easier before, it didn't have as much meaning. This new dimension, this daily task of raising a child, adds a new purpose to my life. Aside from my calling as a Christian to show God's love, this is the highest calling in my life, and the most challenging. And when you take the committment seriously, it changes you. I will never be the same, and I don't want to be. It's hard to remember a time when she wasn't here, even though it's only been a year. She is such a part of me now that I wonder how I got along without her before. What did I do all day, anyway? :) I wouldn't change a single minute of the last year. In fact, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I think that is why this birthday is so difficult for me. It went by too fast. She grows too fast. I don't feel like I've had the chance to really enjoy each stage she is in before it's gone. And while each new stage is fun and exciting and adorable, I find myself mourning the loss of the baby she was. I worry that I'll forget. Like I said, it's just all happening so fast. There aren't enough hours in the day for me to feel like I've spent enough time with her. It's simple, really. I just love her too much. So much that it hurts. These moments we've spent together in the last year have been priceless. Every 'first' that in some small way I feel responsible for. Every new thing she is able to do, every inch grows, is exciting and celebrated. But each new beginning marks the end of something, too. The end of something that I loved. That's where the sadness comes from.
She has learned to hold her head up, roll over, sit up, crawl, and stand. She has gained pounds and inches, and even some hair. She has learned to feed herself finger foods and drink from a cup. She has developed a personality, with likes and dislikes all her own. Her myriad of facial expressions and sound effects is astounding! But I remember a different child altogether. I remember looking into the eyes of a newborn only moments old. A new life, needing me for everything. No doubt uncomfortable in our bright, loud, harsh, big world, I was the only thing familiar she had. I remember trying so hard to replicate the peace she must have had inside me, all warm and quiet. My voice was so calming and soothing to her then, probably because it was all she recognized in her obnoxious new surroundings. She didn't know anything, she couldn't do anything. She was completely helpless, and looking at me, as if she knew I was her only hope. We spent most of our time nursing and sleeping in those days. We bonded in some way that I can't explain. I will treasure those moments that are long gone and the newborn that needed me as much as I needed her. The complete dependence she had on me that I found so scary then is what, I daresay, I miss the most. She's moving on now to bigger and better things all the time. She needs me a little less every day, and now that is what scares me. The newborn baby only moments old, staring up at me, helpless, is all but gone.
And while you're all watching her dig into her smash cake, I'll be remembering that newborn, and saying goodbye.
If you think I'm exaggerating, picture this: The other day I had to run into the Hallmark store to get a few cards. I thought I would check out the first birthday cards while I was there. Cried. Right there in the aisle, looking at silly, sweet, kiddie birthday cards all about how far she has come and all she can do and how much she is loved, I cried. I bought one. While it will mean nothing to her now, this is what it says. A Letter For My Daughter On Her Birthday... Think of a mitten and a hand or the way tea fills the curve of a teacup. In the same way, there is a place in my life shaped like you. Before you came, I did not even know it was there. But afterward, I knew I had always had it, this quiet and waiting space in the middle of my heart that you, and only you, could fill. And even more than the day you came into my world... I love you.
I am desperate to make this child understand how much she is loved. What makes me so sad is that I don't think she ever will, or even can for that matter. As a mother now, I find myself thinking a lot more about how God relates to us. He is our Father, after all, and there are so many parallels. My current dilemma is the perfect example. In my head I know God loves me unconditionally, but I don't think I even know the half of it. I think it is beyond my comprehension exactly how He feels about me. And I know the same is true for my daughter. She has no idea how I feel about her, or what I would do for her. She has no idea how much she has changed my life and how much joy she brings me. If only I could make her understand. I wonder if God has the same frustration. Though he would have the power to, He will not force us to accept His love and love Him in return, even though He deserves it. It's frustrating. I pray that I will remember this feeling and give God His due, just as I pray my daughter will one day come to know how much I love her, how much I have done for her, and how much I would be willing to do for her, no matter the cost.
It's heavy and deep, this parenting business. While life was certainly easier before, it didn't have as much meaning. This new dimension, this daily task of raising a child, adds a new purpose to my life. Aside from my calling as a Christian to show God's love, this is the highest calling in my life, and the most challenging. And when you take the committment seriously, it changes you. I will never be the same, and I don't want to be. It's hard to remember a time when she wasn't here, even though it's only been a year. She is such a part of me now that I wonder how I got along without her before. What did I do all day, anyway? :) I wouldn't change a single minute of the last year. In fact, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I think that is why this birthday is so difficult for me. It went by too fast. She grows too fast. I don't feel like I've had the chance to really enjoy each stage she is in before it's gone. And while each new stage is fun and exciting and adorable, I find myself mourning the loss of the baby she was. I worry that I'll forget. Like I said, it's just all happening so fast. There aren't enough hours in the day for me to feel like I've spent enough time with her. It's simple, really. I just love her too much. So much that it hurts. These moments we've spent together in the last year have been priceless. Every 'first' that in some small way I feel responsible for. Every new thing she is able to do, every inch grows, is exciting and celebrated. But each new beginning marks the end of something, too. The end of something that I loved. That's where the sadness comes from.
She has learned to hold her head up, roll over, sit up, crawl, and stand. She has gained pounds and inches, and even some hair. She has learned to feed herself finger foods and drink from a cup. She has developed a personality, with likes and dislikes all her own. Her myriad of facial expressions and sound effects is astounding! But I remember a different child altogether. I remember looking into the eyes of a newborn only moments old. A new life, needing me for everything. No doubt uncomfortable in our bright, loud, harsh, big world, I was the only thing familiar she had. I remember trying so hard to replicate the peace she must have had inside me, all warm and quiet. My voice was so calming and soothing to her then, probably because it was all she recognized in her obnoxious new surroundings. She didn't know anything, she couldn't do anything. She was completely helpless, and looking at me, as if she knew I was her only hope. We spent most of our time nursing and sleeping in those days. We bonded in some way that I can't explain. I will treasure those moments that are long gone and the newborn that needed me as much as I needed her. The complete dependence she had on me that I found so scary then is what, I daresay, I miss the most. She's moving on now to bigger and better things all the time. She needs me a little less every day, and now that is what scares me. The newborn baby only moments old, staring up at me, helpless, is all but gone.
And while you're all watching her dig into her smash cake, I'll be remembering that newborn, and saying goodbye.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Rainy Rehearsal
Yes, all the festivities last weekend were rained out. We had the rehearsal on Thursday out at Deep River in spite of the sprinkles. We were all still trying to think positive at that point. But... as you know... the rains came down and the floods came up... and the rest is history. Everything on the wedding day was moved to our church. But the important thing is, they're married! Congratulations Mola's!
I included this because it's the only photo I have of the gazebo that wasn't meant to be.
We had a super yummy rehearsal dinner at Don Quijote in Valpo. This is Brandon and John sharing dessert. And did you notice? It's not even theirs! They each have their own empty plate in front of them and they're eating Missy's! Boys.
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