Don't get me wrong. I knew before I began this whole adventure called motherhood that there would be many happy times. I expected them in fact. There have been moments on this journey that I have looked forward to with great anticipation and I've not been disappointed. As an expectant mother I anxiously awaited that first moment that I could feel the small life inside me moving, and when that moment came, I smiled to myself. I counted the days until I would get to hold her in my arms, and when I did, I smiled. And in the year and a half since Julia's arrival, the smiles haven't stopped coming. Watching her grow and play, passing all those important milestones, she has brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart, just as I had hoped she would. But... There have been many unexpected smiles along the way, too. Moments I couldn't have predicted. Things that have caught me by surprise and so tickled me that I smile to myself or even laugh out loud. So here they are, some snapshots that I carry in my mind and pull up from my memory whenever I need to remember just how much I love my job.
John and I chose to find out the sex of our baby at my first ultrasound, about halfway through the pregnancy. We were too impatient to wait for a surprise and it was nice to be able to refer to her as a "she" instead of "it", and even call her by name before she arrived. There was a downside to this knowledge, however. We are blessed with a large family, church family, and group of friends, most of which heard the word "girl" and immediately ran out to buy something pink. I will never forget the first time I laundered a load of baby clothes. When I pulled the lint trap out of the dryer, I laughed out loud. Pink. Completely pink. And even now, a year and a half later, it's just now getting to where it isn't so totally pink anymore. To be honest, I look forward to seeing the pink lint, and I smile to myself each time I do. I even enjoy folding all the tiny clothes, because I am reminded of how blessed I am to have a daughter and how fortunate we are to be able to provide for her. God is good. (All these emotions from a wad of dryer lint, tell me motherhood hasn't made me go soft!) ~
Picture this. A young mother, desperate for a moment of privacy from a daughter who is now mobile, crawling after said mother everywhere she goes to try to get some bit of housework accomplished, locks herself in the bathroom, contemplating whether it's safe to take a shower while dear daughter is roaming about the house. Thinking she has pulled one over on the child and managed to sneak away, she sits down on the toilet in the quiet bathroom to enjoy her moment alone. Lost in her thoughts, staring blankly ahead, she notices something move out of the corner of her eye. Snapping out of her trance, she turns her head quickly to the door, to the gap at the bottom of the door, where a tiny hand is moving from side to side, trying in vain to reach her. Suddenly, the moment alone isn't so important at all, and not nearly as fun as getting down on her hands and knees and pressing her face to the floor to peer at the infant on the other side of the door doing the same thing. And the look of joy on the child's face as her eyes connect with her mother's, realizing she has found what she is looking for... forever etched in my memory bank right alongside the image of the tiny hand reaching for me. ~
I'm sure, if they're honest, most people would have to admit that they sing aloud when they're alone in the car, whether or not it is a joyful noise to anyone but our dear heavenly Father! I'm guilty of this, of course, the only difference being that I'm rarely alone in the car anymore. No matter though, I sing out for my dear daughter to hear, thankful that she's still to young to tell me I sound bad or get embarrassed and ask me to stop. I will never forget the day that she did make make me stop, though, right in middle of a line, I paused to hear the most beautiful sound. My daughter was singing! Barely old enough to speak, with a vocabulary of only a few words, she showed me that you don't need words to sing, only a willing heart. And the monotone "ah's" ringing out in my child's sweet, small voice are the loveliest lyrics I've ever heard. She brought a tear to my eye that day, and a smile to my heart. ~
